Recurring Dream Wherein I’m Watching an Episode of Star Trek
By Colette Arrand
In a way I’m my own manic
pixie dream girl: the man I’m fixing
is me, & the project of fixing me
up falls upon me like the work
of fixing a house that was built
in the middle of a storm
that never dissipates. We cower
in the basement, myself & myself,
both of us too inexperienced
with bodies outside our own bodies
to do the things we’d like
to do to each other’s bodies,
so instead we watch Star Trek.
In this episode, Kirk, Bones, & Spock
are on a rock in a system whose star
is about to go nova. There are aliens
with heads as bulbous as the head
of a penis, bulbous as our penises.
The aliens strip Kirk to his waist
and chain him from the ceiling;
he moans long enough that his
moaning doesn’t go unnoticed
by me or me or Bones, who’s always
injecting his friends with a hypo.
This episode is no different,
doctor’s orders. When the storm
lets up I leave myself
in the basement and visit
a doctor who asks me
if I know what I’m doing.
He uses words like “consequences”
and “regret,” but I stop him there:
I am the captain of this vessel
and I’m taking her wherever
I please. I can fill a hypo
with oil and inject myself
if need be, I can inoculate
one self at the cost of the other.
Star Trek believes that such
decisions are difficult
because people want to die
for other people so much
that no one meaningful ever dies.
In my house that is no issue,
there’s a me who wants
to die & a me who doesn’t,
& we care too much
about each other to protest.
We still meet from time to time,
as the dead are known to walk
in dreams. Now, however,
we both know what to do.
I can fill a hypo with oil
& inject myself, I can fade
& not fade away simultaneously.
There are things to investigate
beyond my body & my body.
We kiss & one lets the other
go on where he cannot.
Colette Arrand lives in Athens, Georgia, where she has spent the last four months watching Star Trek for the first time. While she highly doubts the series is going to get any better than shirtless George Takei, in an episode she recently watched Picard and Riker zapped a dude so hard with their phasers that his head exploded. So you never know. Her work has appeared in The Offing, The Atlas Review, Cosmonauts Avenue, and elsewhere. You should buy her zines at http://fearofaghostplanet.
Image: “Khan” by James F. Woglom